Doubtful thrill

...doubt, it somehow got into that organ, that i could never comprehend, and that bloody thing got stuck in my brain like a bullet,..that too deep inside. Not that its something new and at this age doubts are just like a desktop background, always there, but this time its serious & seriously making me insane. My doubt about, am i doing the best i should do for, my long term interests (a doubt in itself). The thrill of a new job is exhilarating but an under current of doubt is chasing me,... how long will i be thrilled.. am i addicted to thrills, i dunno. But i need that unexplainable thrill, like a shot of cocaine, but it should never die, a never ending thrill. Like the first date,. or the first day on job. And the best thing about life is not what i have seen but what i have to, hopefully the thrill continues....